I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
