you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
God, I missed his penis.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
