please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
