Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
