Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
