His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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