paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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