I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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