Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
