WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
