We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
