but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
