went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
