from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
