i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
