Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
