Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sober January is a disaster.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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