He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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