her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
