Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
