just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So vagazzling was a success
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
