Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
