found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
