xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
