she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
