so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We had to coat check the pizza.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
