I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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