Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
