Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
