I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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