Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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