My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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