Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
