Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
