so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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