We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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