My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
