tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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