hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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