I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
