How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
