There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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