We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
