I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
