I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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