So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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