He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
