we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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