The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
