So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
