I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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