Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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