If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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