He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
