I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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