I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
