My liver just broke up with me...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
