she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
